I am Toast. This is my post.
As I mentioned here, I gave what was perhaps the best toast ever to be presented at a wedding at my mommy and daddy’s wedding a few weeks ago. Due to overwhelming demand, I have decided to share my wisdom-filled words with you. I strongly suggest you take notes and possibly memorize the following – it should be used as a guideline for all toasts by dogs at all future weddings.
Because I was not miked, it was difficult for some to hear me at the wedding. Many may have missed it altogether. I should have stood on the table. Note to self: next time Mommy or Daddy get married and a Toast toast is called for, stand on the table. I have since filed a grievance with the sound engineer and his union and expect a written apology post haste.
Here is my Toast toast:
I knew my Mommy loved my Daddy from the first day we moved into our house because she brought our beds and all our blankies. If she didn’t love him, she would have surely left most of our stuff at grand-daddy’s house. But she knew we were moving in to stay. He gave her her very own room with her own blankies and places to put all her stuff, even all her yummy shoes. I knew Daddy loved us because he gave me a home theater with a comfy couch in which to relax and he filled the backyard with lizards for Dixie Chicken to chase; he even built a tree for Oat The Parrot so she would feel at home.
Mommy and Daddy are very much in love, they don’t think I notice but I see it all the time because I am a very observant Toast. I have made a list of my observations. Here is my list:
– They always hold hands when walking in the big outside because the big outside is a scary place but not so scary when holding someone’s hand.
– Daddy always lets Mommy ride in the front seat.
– Mommy cooks yummys for Daddy all the time except on Sunday because that is Carvel Day and they go out for yummys.
– When Daddy walks Mommy in the big outside, he always opens the door for her.
– Mommy lets Daddy sit on the furniture whenever he wants.
– Daddy lets Mommy nap, a lot.
– Mommy shares all her toys with Daddy except her new camera, she is very protective of her new camera.
– Daddy always fills Mommy’s water glass when it gets low.
– Mommy always gives Daddy the snuggliest blankies.
– Daddy never hesitates to give Mommy his dirty dishes and Mommy never hesitates to give Daddy hers. Except pizza, they always finish pizza.
– Mommy gives excellent hugs and Daddy gets many of them. I get ear scritchens which are good too.
– They lick each others’ faces, a lot.
– If there was only one Greenie left, I’m sure Mommy would give Daddy… Wait, we should never run out of Greenies, this is a bad example.
My Mommy and Daddy love each other very much and should be together from now until the end of time even if that means putting up with Dakota the Fluffer Wolf and cats.
On an unrelated note, I see many of you are eating BBQ. When finished, please place your dirty dishes in an orderly line beside my table. If someone could also provide some mac and cheese, it would be greatly appreciated.
That is all.