I am Toast. This is my post.
My Mommy and Daddy are married!
As you can imagine, I have been extremely busy over the past few weeks. Planning and executing a wedding is a daunting task, particularly when you’re a dog and only eight inches tall. I had to create many lists; I had lists to manage my lists and check-lists to ensure we did not forget to list a list on the appropriate list. Do not get me started on all the pie charts.
The wedding took place in the big outside which made me quite nervous. The big outside has rain, bugs, heat, cold and alligators. I tried to find an Indian to do an anti-rain dance but I could not locate one, instead I asked several graduates from FSU. It must have worked because it did not rain. The University of Florida graduates did nothing to solve the Gator problem; they are useless.
Although Mommy hired wedding planners, I did not trust them to keep everything on schedule. Toast is an excellent schedule keeper so I took it upon myself to ensure everyone stuck to the timeline – if dinner is supposed to be served at 6:05 PM, then it should be served at 6:05 PM. Not 6:10 PM, that would be horrible – at that point we might as well all go home and start over. When I confirmed dinner time with the caterers, I may have pointed out the alligators in the lake behind the ceremony and mentioned how easily a caterer could disappear in the big outside – I do not recall all the details. However, dinner did start on time.
Mommy looked like a fairy tale princess! I have never been to Disney World but I have heard that Walt Disney is frozen and resides in the underground tunnels beneath the castle. I am pretty sure even his frozen head would have turned to get another look at Mommy. (Note to self – if Disney uses Mommy’s image as a character in a future movie, ensure Toast, LLC secures rights and collects royalties.)
Captain Bill performed the ceremony; the Toast Whisperer was there. Many other friends too. One of the little girls kept dropping rose petals; I did my best to pick them all up behind her but she was very fast. Somebody should tell her that littering is a crime.
I wore my best tuxedo and practiced my toast (a Toast toast, if you will) for many hours prior to the ceremony. I believe it was well received but I think people had trouble seeing me, perhaps I should have stood on the table.
Dixie Chicken had far too much to drink and passed out rather early in the evening. I do not believe she was awake when Dakota the Fluffer Wolf tried to take over the DJ booth; sometimes he gets nostalgic and wants to relive his rave days as MC Fluffer-Nutter. The house was rocked and all were impressed. Although he should not have tee-teed on the mic stand, he went too far.
Now that we have returned home, I have begun the formidable task of making room for all the presents I expect to receive. I have temporarily relocated Dixie Chicken to a blankie in the corner of the bedroom and turned her bed into a greenie vault. If it is not large enough, I may have to move the Mommy and Daddy from their bed. I would use mine, but I prefer to sleep there – better to use the others.
I have heard rumors of a honeymoon. Toast has many places he would like to go. I will create a list, here is my list:
– Morristown, Arizona: Grumpy Cat’s hometown
…hmm, that may be it. It is a short list. The big outside is scary and I do not like leaving home. I do not fly either so we will have to drive. Grumpy Cat will be two years old on April 4th, perhaps we can attend the celebration.
They had cupcakes instead of a cake and I believe there are leftover cupcakes. I am going in search of cupcakes.